The Indian capital New Delhi has the unenviable distinction of being the country’s divorce citadel with about 9,000 cases annually, double the number registered in its family courts in 2004. Other Indian cities are not far behind. Recently, Mumbai captured nationwide attention with the news that for every five weddings registered since 2002, family courts have received two applications for divorce. That’s an astounding 40%.

In Kolkata, too, cases have soared by a reported 200% in recent years. And In India’s hailed Silicon Valley, Bangalore, as many as 1,400 couples, between January and June 2009, filed for divorce.

Most are young couples, typically in their late 20s and early 30s, and work in India’s steadily burgeoning corporate world. Some estimates now peg the national divorce rate, once almost negligible, at close to 6%. When juxtaposed with statistics for countries like the United States of America, Sweden and the United Kingdom, this figure is hardly alarming. But the sudden, steep incline in India hints at a rapidly changing society.

“Dissatisfaction in a marriage is certainly not new. But, the discontent is now verbalized more. It’s more vocal, more acceptable. The element of individual choice is very, very strong,” says Nivedita Singh, a New Delhi based counselor and psychotherapist.

“There is a certain degree of women’s empowerment thanks to more women working, and the subsequent financial freedom. And, definitions have changed, especially for a woman,” she explains. “The woman is multi-tasking. She earns a living, raises the children, manages the home and makes decisions. She has seen many role reversals even as the role of men – especially within the marriage and the home - has eroded.”

India is a remarkably young country with roughly 70% of its billion plus population under the age of 35. Combined with sweeping economic reforms and a new cultural awakening, the country is the perfect crucible for wide-reaching social changes.

The younger generation is willful, independent and adept at rationalizing their decisions. Self-fulfilment, heightened self-awareness and intense ambition are admired and emulated, leaving little opportunity for a partnership to blossom.

“In the younger marriages, there is a definite sense of a barter system at work. Immediate give and take is expected, even as communication, understanding and the will to adapt are sorely missing. They are also ill-prepared for the institution of marriage. They have unrealistic, romanticized notions of marriage which soon come crashing down,” says Singh.

With more and more marriages breaking down, the deeply embedded social stigma divorce has long been enveloped in has seen a tangible erosion. And, with more exposure - through television, the Internet and travel - the Indian middle class is trying on a more liberal mindset. Prejudices do remain though.

“Some people don’t have the empathy to understand. They believe there must be something wrong with you or you must have done something wrong to have gotten divorced. Also, to be single is one thing, but to be single and divorced is a different ball game,” says Shalini, a consultant with a well-known cosmetics brand.

“It is a constant struggle to tell people that I am divorced and single, but not available. You get a lot of unfavorable male attention. They look at you differently. But, I catch on instantly now and I don’t let it bother me,” adds the 40-year-old mother of two boys, aged 11 and 9, who separated from her pilot husband in 2002 after seven years of marriage.

The in-laws are often a source of disagreement and distance in a marriage. Counselors and lawyers say parents, once crucial in the joint family setup for holding the couple together, are playing a damaging role.

“Once the parents get involved, things become very final. [When] the discord is confined to the couple, there can be lots of going back and forth [on whether to get divorced or not],” says Sunieta Ojha, a lawyer, who has worked in the chambers of two of India’s most successful divorce attorneys.

“With my clients, either parents are not in the picture at all, or, and this is definitely more common, they are overly supportive of the divorce. Parents are fed on sordid stories of fights and injustices, and it becomes difficult for them to remain objective,” she says.

Indian divorces are also characteristically bitter, long drawn out and complicated. Experts say proceedings often last longer than the marriage because of the backlog in family courts and the complex, legal statutes. But, the legal community says the law is slowly responding to the influx.

“The Supreme Court in a recent case said the Hindu Marriage Act of 1955 should be amended to view marriage as purely a contract between two people. Marriages should not be seen to be a religious sacrament they way they are now,” says Kanchan Singh, a New Delhi based lawyer.

“The idea that we need to recognize incompatibility is evident. Divorces are already easier to get. Making them a pure contract will help even more,” he says.

Trends indicate there has been a significant rise in divorces even in small town, more conservative India. Subsequent social transformations have also seeped in.

“I am encouraged to make a new beginning. My family, and even some relatives of my first husband advise me to get married again,” says 22-year-old Pinky, a domestic worker in Delhi.

Pinky’s parents, and her five year old daughter, live in a small village in the eastern state of Jharkhand, which despite its abundant natural resources, lags resolutely behind national averages for education, health and sanitation.

“I am not ready, though. There is a boy who wants to marry me. He is a driver and earns good money. He has never been married before but his family is completely fine with me being divorced,” Pinky adds.

Remarriage was once unheard of, even in the urban middle class, but that’s changing too. The matrimonial website, SecondShaadi.com (shaadi means marriage in Hindi), is facilitating options. Millions in India use matchmaking websites to hunt for suitable partners, an interesting Web 2.0 version of the traditional arranged marriage.

SecondShaadi.com narrows it down to all those who have been either divorced or widowed, and visitors to the site know at the outset what they are getting into. Several popular matrimonial websites have followed suit with similar portals after enthusiastic response from users.

And, the positives lie in this very success – the desire to get married again. Divorces might be on their way up in India, but the institution of marriage is nowhere near down and out.



About the Author
Shreyasi Singh is an independent journalist based in New Delhi, India. After graduating in journalism from the Indian Institute of Mass Communications, Delhi, Shreyasi worked as a correspondent and input editor in mainstream Indian news networks for six years. After having her son, Agastya, she decided to focus on her two loves – writing and being a hands-on mother.

She now writes regularly for Civil Society, an independent monthly magazine that profiles social change leaders and social entreprenuers from across India. Her feature articles on emerging trends in Indian society have also been broadcast across South East Asia on Radio Singapore International. Shreyasi finds the process of writing fascinating - how some thoughts, a few conversations, an empty word document, and deft fingers can create a little slice of history.

Shreyasi enjoys travelling and reading, and hopes to someday write a book.